


Always Forever

by chickxfisher



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst is my middle name, Autistic Caustic | Alexander Nox, Autistic Wattson | Natalie Paquette, Beware, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description, HEAVY. ANGST., Heavy Angst, ITS ABOUT THE YEARNING, NSFW, Slow Burn, Touch-Starved, breif mentions of suicide, me blabbering about this ship pretty much lol, only slightly tho, this was for my bro richie ... ily bro /p, wattson loses her shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:49:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26445886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickxfisher/pseuds/chickxfisher
Summary: Slow burn wattson/caustic because i am boo boo the fool for these two
Relationships: Caustic | Alexander Nox/Wattson | Natalie Paquette
Kudos: 17





	1. I need you. More than ever.

**Author's Note:**

> FOR MY FRIEND ON TWITTER , . I SEE YOU. 👁👁

Had she forgiven him, already? How foolish. Wattson pinched the bridge of her nose, looking down at the floor of her room, she breathed quietly as Caustic stood motionless from her. She wanted every part of her body to stop screaming, screaming and scolding herself for even thinking about forgiving him after what he had done.

It was stupid, she was so much smarter. Why was this so hard? Just, push him away. It's that simple, and such she repeated to herself every day after what happened that all it would take is a shove, Caustic had much more important things than her, than some silly girl.

Looking up to speak, all word had left her mind as he looked at her, eyes tired and half-lidded, he didn't shy away from her attention as he did usually. 

He had always looked at her the same way, like the sun was back lit, highlighting each curvature and edge of her body like it was a marble statue of a goddess in a museum. 

Only now though, was she realizing this.

* * *

It was mid-match, and she had entirely forgotten (by choice) that Caustic was even apart of her team; despite him sticking closer to her than ever. She didn't have the guts to try and push him away, perhaps she longed for his warmth once more. For his comfort. For the touch of his hand against her shoulder, just to tell her that everything would be okay.

How she wanted everything to be okay. 

Feeling the gentle brush of Bloodhound against her shoulder, she slowly sat up straight, refusing to make eye-contact with the hunter; fear that she'd combust into tears if she did. The thing she longed for the most was to be told that it was going to be okay, but goodness she would not be able to handle Bloodhound of all people telling her that.

Because she knew they would be right.

It was something she didn't want to admit. She longed for his touch, for his comfort, for him. But she'd never admit how badly she ached to forgive him just to have that release once again, it was cathartic. He was pure bliss to her body, but she couldn't just forgive him like what he did didn't hurt her.

It hurt, so much.

But not being his hurt way more than she ever expected. 

Hands shaking as they gripped the trigger of her longbow, she almost fired it out of pure stress. 

"May I ask what has disturbed you?" Bloodhound asked coyly, they knew. They could tell. Wattson went to go speak, but she barely made a noise as she rested back down into the surface they had huddled behind while Caustic had left to survey the area they were defending. It was just her and the hunter.

"Do.. do you know what love is?" It was a stupid question, but she didn't know how to word it correctly, and instead, she just hoped Bloodhound would know what she meant. "Hmm. I do understand love, but it is not something i've.. experienced." Bloodhound waved their hand in the air.

"Right." Wattson sighed, "But I can feel it." They continued.

"I can feel _your_ love. And it is strong, and you are not v'eak." They place a soft hand against Wattsons shoulder, rubbing it slightly. 

Hearing heavy footsteps approach the two, Wattson didn't want to make eye-contact. She knew it was Caustic, and in hand he had supplies.

"I found an ultimate accelerate, for you; Ms Pauqette."

The formality hurt, the closer the two had gotten, the more he called her "Nat", or by her name. Hearing "Ms Pauqette" again stung, rubbing salt in the wound. She refused to look as she took the Ultimate Accelerator from him, fingertips touching and electricity coursing through the two, it was special.

Almost tearing up at the feeling of his hands, even if they were almost slight, she shoved the accelerator into her backpack and got up. "Perhaps, we should move."

She looked behind her, Bunker. It was tall, cold and droning as the metallic groundwork settled into the ground below. She didn't want to be here.

"I've surveyed the area, there's no one around for miles-"

"I said. We should move." She said firmly, standing her ground as Caustic stood his own. "Natalie- I understand you do not wish to be around me but-"

She turned, making her way up the hill as Caustic exhaled deeply through his nose, arms crossed as he looked to the ground. Looking towards Bloodhound, they only lowered their head and continued after Wattson furiously making her way up the hill. He stood there, looking around the bunker he sighed heavily.

There was nothing to see, it was pitch black. Barely could he see, let alone Wattson. 

Was he worried? 

Maybe.

* * *

She had continued on; with or without her team at this point I didn't matter to her. She wanted this to be over, to be done with. There was nothing stopping her from taking her own gun to her head and getting this over and done with; it was the last match of the day. Her body was screaming, her heart aching and throat closing as her hand shook around the longbow she still carried.

Maybe it was her wish for everything to go back the way it was before, she was happy; and so was he. Standing still in the pitch blackness of the containment area she had walked herself to, she exhaled deeply. No longer caring that anyone was nearby, she screamed.

It was bliss, pure, pure bliss.

Hot warm tears streaming down her face as her screaming shrilled throughout the empty canyon, ricocheting of all the surfaces nearby like they were bullets. 

Choking lightly, she barely sobbed into her hands. Dropping her longbow as she wheezed heavily, eyes wide and so focused on the tears that were leaving, she didn't notice the sound of footsteps behind her. 

The sound of a gun clicking, she stood still, not bothering to budge against the feeling of a barrel placed against her head. She was surrounded, a whole squad had just walked up to her.

Because of her little tantrum. 

This was _her_ fault.

Not even bothering to swallow, removing the dryness in her throat, she only stood there motionless. 

"Drop your weapons." The enemy crypto scorned, pressing his wingman at the back of her head. Tossing her longbow to the side, she watched it slide in the dirt as her Mastiff slowly followed, hitting each other the sound echoed throughout the area.

"Now- You're no solo. I've seen you with that Bloodhound, where are they?" Crypto walked in front of her, pressing his wingman closer to her face, changing position he tilted her head back with the pistol as he pushed it under her chin.

Crypto looked around.

"It's not just them. Is it?"

"Come on Crypto- Just kill her." The Mirage scoffed, waving his hand as he looked the other way. "No. I want her alive; good bait. Her teammates are near, I know."

"Caustic, get over here."

Caustic.

The last thing she needed right now was staring down the eyes of someone she loved; even if they were just fakes in the system. It was him, it was the man that loved so much that he dared to destroy everything around him just to have her. His love, and her ignorance. 

Watching the fake Caustic walk to where the crypto had her gunpoint, he slapped the wingman against his chest. "Keep her here, make sure she doesn't get out of your sight."

"I'm going to see where her teammates are."

He ran off, disappearing into the darkness like he was never there, to begin with. Leaving Caustic and Mirage with her alone as she was immediately pushed around like a sheep.

The enemy Caustic had pushed her into the metal coverings, gas traps locking her in like she was some sort of animal, she stayed huddled in the corner, barely a distance between her and the traps. She knew what they could do, she knew what they did.

But never has she actually felt that type of pain.

Whenever the odd chance of her not having Caustic on her team, he would always pardon her. 

He made it clear from the very start that he'd never hurt her, in or out of the ring, his priority was her safety. It was a selfless act from a selfish man, something he wouldn't do for anyone else in the world besides her.

Looking up to see the enemy Caustic, he was staring down the other way as their Mirage slowly wandered around, dirt kicking up as he swung his feet in his steps. "Why is crypto so determined to keep her anyway?"

"I bet they don't even care if she's gone."

The Caustic grumbled, huffing heavily through his mask as a response to Mirages dry insults. 

"Why don't you just kill me yourself?" she spat, "I would! but Cryppy wouldn't like that if I did." Mirage scoffed, crossing his arms.

"I told you to stop calling me that, Witt." Crypto hummed, emerging from the darkness as Mirage shrieked. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" He yelled, stepping away from Crypto.

"Whatever."

Crypto shook his head, hands in his pockets. "Can't find her teammates, must be well far from here."

Wattson gulped, heart in her chest as she breathed heavily, watching the enemy Caustic pick up the gas trap, he moved in to grab her as well. Picking her up by the scruff of her jacket like she was some rag doll, she squirmed in his hand. 

This wasn't her Caustic.

He'd never hurt her.

Not like this.

And staring into his cold, dead eyes of a fake, she stilled her breathing. Gulping as he carried her like she weighed nothing, she feared to budge or resist him carting her over to where Crypto stood, dropping her down on the ground. Fear in her eyes as she stared at the enemy Crypto, barely illuminated by the moonlight shining through the clouds.

Reflecting off his cold, distant and glassy eyes as he stared down at her. "You're not even worth the ammo. Mirage, finish her or whatever. Caustic follow me, we need to seek out the other squads." He waved his hand, and such, the Caustic followed behind. 

Blending into the darkness and Mirage slowly turned his head down to Wattson, eyes wide and weapons dropped. She was left fending for herself.

More than ever, she needed Caustic.

Her Caustic.


	2. The world can be so cruel

Like a sick dog being put down, the enemy Mirage already had planned on how to kill her. His nervousness antics made her wish it could come quicker, he struggled to speak coherently, going into detail about how he would kill her. Once he got around to it eventually of course.

"Such a shame you didn't have me on your team; I woulda saved you!"

He clicked the hammer of the wingman, pressing it closer against her forehead.

"But oh well, you really lost this one didn't you?" He smirked, not even noticing that Wattson had already moved between his snarky comments. "Wh- What?! Shit-" He swore, turning around to see nothing but darkness, he didn't hear; or see she had gone.

Or the rock that had caved into the side of his skull. He did not see that coming. Blood spurting out as he collapsed to the ground, cold and dead already from the hole she had drug into the side of his head. Moonlight shimmering off the red liquid that covered her hands and fancy white attire.

"Idiot." She muttered, dropping the rock to the side she bent down to grab the fallen enemies weapons, arming herself with his Wingman and R-301 he had dropped. She wiped her face with her sleeve, the blood coating her bright fluorescent jacket.

She got lucky and sure felt like she did. They still have two others on their team, they would notice that Mirage didn't or never would come back. Adjusting her hood, she ran off into the night, in the direction of the Bunker. Running as her heart was pounding, her feet hit the ground faster than she could keep up, barely making it into the bunker before toppling over her own feet. 

Slowly stepping away from the door, she stood there. Clutching the weapons tightly in her hand, Wattson breathed heavily and shallow, before slowing down to a calm position. Hand firmly placed against her chest as she began to slowly walk towards the large sliding doors. Rubbing her hands together as sparks trickled between her fingers, placing down fences in front of the door, she slowly walked away from it.

Heading down the long hallways, she slowed to an almost stop.

Blood casing the walls, dripping into a dried stop. Her eyes widened, white and blue clothing.

Ripped all along the flooring, as the blood dripped off the edges of the stairs the trail of material lead her as she walked up the steep stairs.

She would have screamed if the loud, echoing off the bunker didn't filter out the dread and pain her body felt.

It was her Caustic.

White and blue robes wrapped around his neck as blood glistened in the dim lights as they flickered, buzzing loudly.

Like water filling her head, the noise surrounded her. The hot, heavy feeling of blood rushing and leaving her body despite no wound.

Everything was so loud, all the time.

But this deafening to her, hands trembling as the tips of her fingers slowly melted into numbness. She was so used to seeing her teammates, she had seen them die so many times; including herself. But this hurt so much, it hurt because she was already hurting like her heart was at the top of her throat, begging her to throw it up so it wouldn't hurt anymore.

Pressing her back against the walls of the Bunker, she slowly slid down onto the floor, sitting across from the body of her lover with her knees in her arms and pressed against her chest. Staring at his limp body, he had been shot in the head. Remains of his brilliant brain covering the back of his hood, staining his wear and the walls.

Normally she would be able to just walk away, or respawn him.

What she would do to hear his voice right now, even if it belonged to a man that had done wrong, she longed to hear his thanks, his slight laugh, to hear her name being gently spoken like it was a whisper in the wind. She only stared, unable to take in the scene no matter how long she sat there.

Each time her attention went to the body, it hurt only like she was seeing it for the first time. And she knew once the round was over, she'd see him again as nothing had happened, but this was beyond anything she could comprehend. Forcing herself to stand up, she felt a rush of sick to her throat, gagging and choking on it as she spat it out onto the ground. Hacking loudly as her arm rested on the wall, barely keeping her upright.

Slowly approaching the body, she grabbed the remains of his hand, carefully turning it over she grabbed his banner.

Seconds away from expiring, she slid her warm fingers between his cold ones, the even colder feeling of the golden ring he wore on his ring finger settled in. She wanted to stay like this forever, but every second she spent taking in the cold, frigid feeling of his dead hands on her soft warm, gloved hands, she felt sicker.

Maybe she stood up too quickly, she urged herself to not look any more than she has already. No matter how much it pained her not to, it only hurt more when she did though. Slowly walking away from the mess, she brought herself into the fresh air of the night, breathing in deeply like she had been underwater for so long. Eyes still wild, blood from where she had walked past covered her sneakers. Dirt, blood, sweat and tears dripping from her face as she continued to spit up bile.

Raising her head, she looked up to the full moon that was sitting still over the canyons night sky.

_Bloodhound._

She finally realized; so caught up the death of Caustic, she had completely forgotten about them. Looking around her, she dared to call out their name.

It was stupid, too stupid. So she only pressed the side of her radio, covering her mouth as she spoke into the small radio around her wrist.

"Bloodhound. Are you there?"

Silence.

"Bloodhound."

She cried, almost sobbing more than she was before. "Bloodhound Pleas-"

"I'm here."

_"I'm here."_

They cooed over the radio, soothing Natalie as she breathed shallow and dry, tears still gushing from her eyes despite no sob.

"W- Where are you?"

"Airbase." They softly said, still soothing Wattson as she slowed down, breathing normally now. "I'll be right over-"

She turned off her radio, immediately running towards Airbase, she didn't want to hear Bloodhounds humbleness right now; cause she knew they'd try and be chivalrous right now. Weapons tightly in her hand as she ran, not even bothering to check if she was running right into another squad.

* * *

It seemed like it was only getting darker by the minute, breathing heavily as she leaned against the metal walls, only barely being able to catch her balance as she stumbled down the sloped pathways into the airbase.

Finding Bloodhound was her utmost priority now. Looking around, she wanted to call out their name.

They had to be somewhere.

Turning on her radio again, she caught her breath before speaking.

"Bloodhound?"

"I'm here."

It wasn't through the radio she heard their voice, soothing her as it had been this entire match. It was closer. Turning around, the hunter stood there, arms wide open as Wattson immediately threw herself into them, falling and losing balance in her legs as she almost sobbed directly into their shoulder.

Bloodhound soothed her, letting her cry quietly into the crook of their arm, humming slightly as their hand rubbed a small circle in the middle of Natalie's back. 

"I-" She spoke, barely. "I saw Cau-"

"I know."

 _"I'm sorry."_ The hunter held her face as she looked at them, pressing their forehead against hers they both breathed in gentle unison.

It was true, bloodhound did feel responsible.

But all that mattered right now; to them, and her. Is that they had each other, and they both needed that more than any championship. 

"What do we do?" She rubbed her eyes, sniffling. "We win."

They moved their hands to her shoulders, giving them a firm grip, softly rubbing them as reassurance. "I don't even know where they are."

"I managed to kill a Mirage but- there are still two squads left."

Bloodhound hummed, looking up to the night sky. "So; seven people. V'e can do this."

Wattson reached into her pocket, pulling out the banner she had managed to grab from Caustic, hands trembling as she looked at his banner, body screaming as she held it. She wanted to throw it into the ocean, throw it off the cliff.

to be rid of it, no matter how much the thought hurt. She only clutched it in response, it hurt too much to throw it away.

But it pained her more to keep it.

Bloodhounds hands cupped hers, giving them a soft squeeze. "It'll be okay," They bowed their head slightly, reaching to un-clip their mask from behind, they smiled. Moving their hands to the side of Wattsons head, they leaned in and kissed her forehead, breathing in deeply before moving to put their mask back on.

Wattson smiled. placing Caustics banner in her pocket, she grabbed Bloodhounds hand, letting them lead her on further into the airbase. 

"Last time I heard someone; they were on the other side," Wattson spoke quietly, following the hunter closely. 

"Two squads remaining." The announcer spoke loudly. 

Running across the airbase with the hunter's hand in hers, she stuck as close as she possibly could. Sweat dripping from her brow as the world around her became louder and louder.

* * *

Time was running thin, the ring only barely big enough to keep the two squads apart, it was now only a waiting game of who would shoot first. Huddled behind a rock, the enemies were safe in a building.

There was no way she'd win this, not without Caustic. This would have been an easy win with him.

Hearing the squad inside the small building, she gulped. Gripping the side of the rock as sweat dripped down her brow.

This again was her fault. If only she'd had stayed with him, nearby. Anywhere but under the hand of an enemy squad, maybe.. maybe..

Bloodhound soothed her, hand against her back as they rubbed it slowly, "Easy. Keep your focus." They smiled, which wasn't visible, but Wattson could see it regardless.

"C- Can.. can we do this?" She weakly begged like she had a say in the matter. It was a fool's game, a blood sport. Someone had to die, and someone had to live.

A sacrifice to the thousands of people watching her run around like a rat in a maze; endlessly searching for the comfort of the one she loved. Her breath was hot, faint and dry. She wanted out, she wanted to give up her life just so she could swallow herself into the mess of arms that would be Caustic.

She longed; yearned for him. For his warmth, for the feeling of his blistered fingers entangling with her soft and delicate ones. Stained blood on her hands, she had forgotten how warm he was.

"Yes you can," Bloodhound reassured her, gripping her hands tightly as they looked her in the eyes, even though the faint goggles they wore, Wattson could sense a true feeling of determination, pride.

"Together."

She stood up, Bloodhounds hand wrapped tightly around her own, they both slowly approached the building.

Kicking the door down, Wattson was greeted by a singular Crypto.

"It was you, wasn't it?"

"Huh-? I thought- Mirage killed you!" He screamed, grabbing his gun by the handle as he held it to her forehead. Motionless she stood there, completely unfazed by his empty threats.

It was only just Crypto, there's no way his Caustic had left like that. Unless he had died after the last time Wattson had seen him.

"I'm not scared of you." She argued, grabbing the Crypto's arm and knocking the gun out of his hand.

"Answer the question; was, it, you?"

The Crypto backed up further into the wall. Heavily breathing as he scurried into the corner, heavy-duty shotgun pressed against his skull as she stared into his eyes. Reaching into her jacket, she pulled out Caustics banner, shoving it into the Crypto's face as the end of the mastiff pressed even closer. "Yeah! It was me-"

"Shot him right between the eyes."

Without thinking a second thought, Wattson fired, blood and brains spreading all across the small corner she had backed him into.

Her white and blue clothing being stained with even fresher blood, brain, hair and clothing going up the back of the wall as the enemy Cryptos flail body collapsed into the ground. Pale skin with flicks of fresh crimson as she wobbled in her stance, barely keeping afoot.

Bloodhound only stood there, bewildered as she dropped her mastiff to the ground. Wanting to scream, to yell and sob her heart out. Tonight had been full exhaustion, tears.

Almost collapsing herself, she slowly walked over to Bloodhound, letting her body rest into theirs as they hugged, gently swaying in the moment as the loud blaring of sirens came over the arena.

They won, but it felt like no victory.


End file.
